4.27.2008

Father and Son

It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I am happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
* * *
I've never heard someone else speaking to me through another medium, as much as I hear my Father speaking to me through that song. I was sitting here thinking of the moments in my life when I truly feel Alive. Those moments when I'm having a conversation with someone else about music, about literature, about society, about Love, about intellect, about life. This inevitably led me to realize what a small percentage of my life those moments constitute. I absolutely hate those other moments. Particularly because I have lately been feeling more and more that not only am I not using those moments to Live, but those moments are detracting from Living. It's not just that those moments are not spent Living; it's that those moments are spent Not Living. For every step I'm taking in Life, I'm taking three in this Non-Life.

Just when these thoughts were consuming me, the song "Father and Son" came on the Cat Stevens record I'm listening to. I could feel my Dad telling me that he was once like I am now; that he knows that it's not easy. I hear him telling me to take it easy; just relax. He says "Look at me, I am old, but I am happy." I still can't believe that my Dad has maneuvered through the obstacles, and steered his life to end up where he is today: in a beautiful house, with a wife who loves him more than life, with a bunch of animals that think he's a god. Then I remember the son he has, and realize that all things come with a price.

But all of the moments of Non-Life, all the moments spent studying Calculus, paying taxes, working retail, and taking out the trash, are worth the moments of Living, no matter how few and far between.

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