Streetside Profundity

I haven't been writing much because I have been utterly consumed by the awe and wonder embodied amongst the streets of this great city. But I feel it's about time to try to put words, though inevitably inadequate, to this great, life-changing experience of mine.
Rather than starting at the beginning, I'll start with today - the Tower of London. Originally conceived of in 1066, it still inspires pride and fear in all who gaze upon it. Many monuments around the world fail to meet the expectations and reputation they gather; it is utterly impossible for me to convey even a fraction of the incredulity inherent upon encountering the Tower. The Tower of London began as a single tower - the White Tower - defended by a pair of defensive walls. Today - it consists of twenty different towers, the most famous of which is, of course, the Bloody Tower. More than 1500 headless corpses have been uncovered there. I could go on and on about the public and private execution grounds, the Tower Green, the Traitor's Gate, the archway where King Henry VIII proposed to Anne Boleyn, and the thirty-five resident Yeoman Warders, but I shall refrain.
Also scattered about the grounds of the Tower, are remnants of the wall which once surrounded the Roman colony of Londinium, some 2000 years ago. Walking around, touching the 2000-year-old Roman walls, the 1000-year-old White Tower and South Wall along the banks of the Thames, the emotions are wholly overwhelming. You can truly feel the history all around you.

I will attempt to archive some more of my amazing experiences thusfar later this evening...

Dilemma / Conundrum

It's quite appropriate that I could not even decide on a title for this post. I'm sitting at my MacBook; I'm supposed to be writing my final paper for English 253. And I just have too many multitudes of thoughts swirling around in my overly-analytical mind to get anywhere beyond the opening line. From Paul Simon's newest album, to Rascal Flatts in iTunes; from the approach of summer, to wistful longings for a moment just out of reach; from the book I'm in the middle of, to all the new books I just got...there is just altogether too much swirling around right now to focus on any single thing.
This is the kind of day that I would lounge around, listen to part of Surprise (Paul Simon's latest), go read a few chapter of Ender's Game (the book I'm currently engrossed in) in the backyard, ride my cruiser down to BK for a Double Stacker, hop on Facebook for a bit, call the parentals to say "hello," do my laundry, catalog my new books and LPs, and throw on MirrorMask (a Neil Gaiman fantasy flick). All on this gorgeous day in sunny SLO-town.
Instead, I'm forced to stare at this daunting, flickering cursor for hours on end, scouring Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now for some connection, all to no avail. All to result in nothing but more extreme pensiveness, contemplation, and inner turmoil than I started with, because of the lack of outlet for any one of these desires or thoughts.
I'm writing this in the hope that by the time that I'm through, at least vocalizing (or blogging) all of these mental conundrums and dilemmas will calm the demons currently consuming my mind, body, and soul.
How appropriate: a fly is buzzing around my head distracting me from this post about distraction from my paper about renegades on the loose, not listening to any sort of authority.
I'm having more and more trouble balancing what I want today against what I want tomorrow.
Today, I want to listen to my vinyls, read my books, and converse with those closest to me. Tomorrow, I want a good GPA.
Today, I want to lounge around and relax. Tomorrow, I want to have accomplished something.

Despite the continued lack of outlet, my demons are at least somewhat suppressed, at the moment.

And the fly returns...

The Choice

The vinyl spins as the neurons fire.
The choice on the table: to keep moseying along the melancholy path to becoming a fully functioning cog in the societal machine, or to turn and sprint down the ever-exhilarating path of Life. Towards a Life spent in Love. A Life spent discussing literature. A Life spent experiencing music. A Life spent savoring the eternal moment, the eternity of the moment.
Or a life spent behind the masquerade of cog turning. A cycle of doing whatever it takes to get that promotion. A cycle of waiting to see who gets voted off the island next. A cycle of always needing more. A cycle of never enough. A cycle going around and around and around. A cycle of the same shit day in, day out. A cycle focused on emptiness.
That’s the choice on the table. That’s the crossroads that I’m standing at.
Welcome to my days, my dilemmas, my decisions.
Amid this choice, the table is cluttered with a physics textbook, a Mac Book, three notebooks, required readings for English 253, and a red Gatorade.
Amid this choice, my mind is cluttered with subsistence, grades, romance, and roommates.