It's quite appropriate that I could not even decide on a title for this post. I'm sitting at my MacBook; I'm supposed to be writing my final paper for English 253. And I just have too many multitudes of thoughts swirling around in my overly-analytical mind to get anywhere beyond the opening line. From Paul Simon's newest album, to Rascal Flatts in iTunes; from the approach of summer, to wistful longings for a moment just out of reach; from the book I'm in the middle of, to all the new books I just got...there is just altogether too much swirling around right now to focus on any single thing.
This is the kind of day that I would lounge around, listen to part of Surprise (Paul Simon's latest), go read a few chapter of Ender's Game (the book I'm currently engrossed in) in the backyard, ride my cruiser down to BK for a Double Stacker, hop on Facebook for a bit, call the parentals to say "hello," do my laundry, catalog my new books and LPs, and throw on MirrorMask (a Neil Gaiman fantasy flick). All on this gorgeous day in sunny SLO-town.
Instead, I'm forced to stare at this daunting, flickering cursor for hours on end, scouring Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now for some connection, all to no avail. All to result in nothing but more extreme pensiveness, contemplation, and inner turmoil than I started with, because of the lack of outlet for any one of these desires or thoughts.
I'm writing this in the hope that by the time that I'm through, at least vocalizing (or blogging) all of these mental conundrums and dilemmas will calm the demons currently consuming my mind, body, and soul.
How appropriate: a fly is buzzing around my head distracting me from this post about distraction from my paper about renegades on the loose, not listening to any sort of authority.
I'm having more and more trouble balancing what I want today against what I want tomorrow.
Today, I want to listen to my vinyls, read my books, and converse with those closest to me. Tomorrow, I want a good GPA.
Today, I want to lounge around and relax. Tomorrow, I want to have accomplished something.
Despite the continued lack of outlet, my demons are at least somewhat suppressed, at the moment.
And the fly returns...
Showing posts with label homework. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homework. Show all posts
6.09.2008
4.27.2008
Time to Pretend
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.
* * *
I have a five-page paper to write for English, a huge Physics assignment to do, and a midterm in Circuit Analysis tomorrow at 9AM. So, needless to say, my mind is anywhere but in those subjects. So I figured I'd spill a few thoughts that popped into my mind while sitting downtown with Kelsey this afternoon.
We were sitting outside of Pizza Solo and there was a homeless lady sitting on a bench across the way talking to everyone that passed by. I'm fascinated by the fact that clearly the stories of our two lives are drastically different, yet they both put us in the exact same place at the exact same time. I also find myself questioning the validity of the judgment of insanity that is so nonchalantly passed on such people. Why are people so quick to believe that something is wrong with her mind? Why is it so easy for us to say that "clearly she has a screw loose"? What if her mind has been opened to things that we can't even imagine living within the confines of society and American culture? What if, being removed from this Capitalist machine, she has come to some revelation that has put her at ease? What if?
And why are people, by default, nervous, if not terrified, around homeless people? What are people so afraid of with this person who's wholly satisfied with subsistence? We spend our entire lives around people scrounging for every penny they can muster, desperately grappling for the next rung on the societal, economic, vocational, or social ladder, yet when we see someone just happy to get by, we freak out. Not quite logical to me...
Another tidbit that just boggles my mind, is that we come into contact with so many people every single day who lead completely separate lives, have completely separate stories from us, have a completely unique set of problems and worries. We come into contact with these people every single day, yet with never a care to their stories or problems. We're quick to call that guy that cut us off on the freeway an asshole, but have you ever wondered where he's rushing to? Have you ever wondered if there's some incredible story behind where someone got the shirt, watch, or shoes that they're wearing? I'm just fascinated that we come into such close contact and involvement with so many people, yet are completely oblivious as to their stories, situations, and lives, in general.
Another thing that's been on my mind of late, is the whole concept of "having" to do something. Day in, day out, people talk about how they "have to do this" and they "have to do that." Since when was individual choice taken out of any single occurrence? When did this biotechnological leap occur in which someone could enter your mind and force you to do something? YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. Absolutely every single thing that you say and do is a personal choice on your part. No matter how much control you feel that you have over the matter, you make the mental decision to carry out the action, to speak those words. So never for a moment, think that you have ever done anything outside of your own volition.
You always have a choice. Indeed, that's all you ever have. Every action, every word, every instant, is a choice. Your life, your self, is the culmination of your decisions.
We were sitting outside of Pizza Solo and there was a homeless lady sitting on a bench across the way talking to everyone that passed by. I'm fascinated by the fact that clearly the stories of our two lives are drastically different, yet they both put us in the exact same place at the exact same time. I also find myself questioning the validity of the judgment of insanity that is so nonchalantly passed on such people. Why are people so quick to believe that something is wrong with her mind? Why is it so easy for us to say that "clearly she has a screw loose"? What if her mind has been opened to things that we can't even imagine living within the confines of society and American culture? What if, being removed from this Capitalist machine, she has come to some revelation that has put her at ease? What if?
And why are people, by default, nervous, if not terrified, around homeless people? What are people so afraid of with this person who's wholly satisfied with subsistence? We spend our entire lives around people scrounging for every penny they can muster, desperately grappling for the next rung on the societal, economic, vocational, or social ladder, yet when we see someone just happy to get by, we freak out. Not quite logical to me...
Another tidbit that just boggles my mind, is that we come into contact with so many people every single day who lead completely separate lives, have completely separate stories from us, have a completely unique set of problems and worries. We come into contact with these people every single day, yet with never a care to their stories or problems. We're quick to call that guy that cut us off on the freeway an asshole, but have you ever wondered where he's rushing to? Have you ever wondered if there's some incredible story behind where someone got the shirt, watch, or shoes that they're wearing? I'm just fascinated that we come into such close contact and involvement with so many people, yet are completely oblivious as to their stories, situations, and lives, in general.
Another thing that's been on my mind of late, is the whole concept of "having" to do something. Day in, day out, people talk about how they "have to do this" and they "have to do that." Since when was individual choice taken out of any single occurrence? When did this biotechnological leap occur in which someone could enter your mind and force you to do something? YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. Absolutely every single thing that you say and do is a personal choice on your part. No matter how much control you feel that you have over the matter, you make the mental decision to carry out the action, to speak those words. So never for a moment, think that you have ever done anything outside of your own volition.
You always have a choice. Indeed, that's all you ever have. Every action, every word, every instant, is a choice. Your life, your self, is the culmination of your decisions.
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